L'Oréal Blackett shares advice from a sexpert, Ann Summers and a fetish model
VALENTINE'S Day clichés are rife once again. Flower boutiques are making their yearly bid for debonair gents to spend far too much on bouquets. Aldi has a sweet deal on chocolates. A 50 Shades Of Grey sequel has made its timely debut at the cinema. Time to crack out the whips and handcuffs from Ann Summers, then.
It’s all a little too much.
Though, if Valentine’s night guarantees some romancing, then there’s always an argument to make the effort on 14 February – clichéd or not.
True to tradition, Valentine’s Day emails have littered the Body Confidential inbox (not one is a love note from a secret admirer, sadly), all featuring varying sex night advice*.
We’ve collected the good, bad and weirdest advice of the bunch to help ensure your V-Day night is anything but regular.
* All advice recommended by relevant companies. We have no idea if any of it actually works.
ANN SUMMER’S SURPRISING BEST BUYS
Ann Summers – you know, that multi-million retail empire filled with all the vibrators? – has been doing some research into its customers and their sexy spending habits. It appears Manchester has its acquired tastes. When it comes to setting the scene, over a third (39%) of Mancunians revealed that they regularly get frisky in their car; 22% have (literally) had sex on the beach; 19% get hot and steamy in the shower; and 12% admit to getting down and dirty in the great outdoors. Positions? Well, doggy is the preferred entanglement for Mancs.
So what are Mancunians buying in the famous sex and lingerie store? Here are their top three products sold in Manchester…
- Remote control butt plug
- Jiggle ball
- Nipple clamp
Blimey. We wouldn't like to know what Mancs are buying in those XXX shops in the Northern Quarter...
SATURDAYS ARE THE ‘SEXIEST’
‘New research shows that Sunday at 9am is the most popular time that Brits want to bonk…And that Tuesday at 9pm is the least popular,’ reads an email from Superdrug. ‘But Saturday is by far the sexiest day of the week; with 11.30am, 10.30pm and 11.30pm all making the top five.' Another late entry, 10:30pm on a Friday, completes the line-up of when people would like to have sex. Good to know. Yet considering Valentine’s night falls on a Tuesday this year we’d suggest holding out until sexy Saturday. Or why not follow Craig David’s old weekly schedule? Go out for a drink on Tuesday, get busy Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and recuperate with an ice pack and Ibuprofen on Sunday.
TRY THE 'BATH TUB RUB A DUB DUB'
Superdrug's sexpert Alix Fox suggests taking a long bath with a spot of 'sensory deprivation' (reads a lot like drowning) to spice things up...
“This bath-based move focuses on delivering unhurried, delicate and delicious female pleasure. First, run a tub of water – make it pleasantly warm, but not too hot – and add an indulgent, sensually scented soak or oil, such as I Love Chocolate Fudge Cake bath foam. Switch out the lights and use candles to give the room a romantic, peaceful glow.
"Climb in together, and spend a while connecting with one another, exchanging back rubs using a sponge or loofah. When you’re ready to take things to the next level, you should sit up at one end of the tub, and your partner should sit facing you...Next, lay back in the water, while your partner slowly, gently and rhythmically strokes you.
"The warm liquid will relax you and, if you close your eyes and submerge your ears beneath the water, the sensory deprivation of sight and hearing can help you focus in on how your partner's touch feels and heighten the sensation.”
Great, but... what if your tub is more mop bucket than infinity pool?
A FETISH MODEL'S GUIDE TO DRESSING UP
"If you lack confidence in the bedroom then sometimes playing dress up can work in your favour," shares fetish model Luna. In her line of work, dressing up comes part and parcel and she often works with latex or, um, balloons. "Rather than feel foolish you can play a role and be acting a part. Try and choose to dress in something you feel comfortable wearing: a good way to start is to dress up in our work attire if it is a uniform, or perhaps bring home a hard hat or apron etc dependent on your career. You don’t need to go full blown naughty nurse."
PITCH A TENT IN YOUR LIVING ROOM
“This tip is incredibly cute and memorable, and great if you would love to ‘escape the everyday’ with your partner for Valentine’s, but can’t afford a trip away to a fancy hotel," says sexpert Alix Fox.
"It’s also a tiny bit silly, but I think more couples should learn to laugh as part of their love lives. Intimacy and sex shouldn’t always be super serious. It’s very healthy to let your hair down and have a good giggle together."
We'd agree. But what of the tent?
"So, create your own ‘Treat Tent For Two’ by fishing out that pop-up tent you’ve got left from last year’s festivals, and setting it up in your living room or bedroom. Fill it with soft blankets and twinkling fairy lights, and stash some sexy goodies in there too: a dish of fresh fruits or chocolates to feed each other, a chilled bottle of wine, a tube of massage lotion like Durex Play Massage 2-in-1 lubricating gel…
"Climb in, shut out the world, and enjoy being in your own special space, just the two of you.”
WEAR FRESH PESTO BEHIND YOUR EAR
“Granted, not the most obvious of food choices, however bear with us," say the nutritionists at Superfood UK. "Basil can help increase circulation, stimulate the sex drive and boost fertility. And, surprisingly, the scent of basil (supposedly) drives us wild with desire. Basil oil was used by Mediterranean prostitutes as a perfume, to err, attract their customers...a dab of fresh pesto behind your ears ladies? No, we thought not, but add some fresh basil to your salad to help get your libido going” advises Cassandra Barns.
WEIGHTED VAGINAL CONES
Say what now?
Whatever it is, it sounds painful.
Nevertheless, Neen Vaginal Cones are said to be a medically recommended product in women’s pelvic health, designed to strengthen pelvic floor muscles and effectively treat the symptoms of incontinence. Simply put, these are like weights for your vagina.
They don't sound the most seductive of things so how do these cones help us on a sexy date night?
"Pelvic floor muscles have an important part to play in female arousal," say Neen. "The pelvic floor muscles surround the clitoris and also help with changes inside the vagina that make penetration more comfortable and enjoyable. Research shows that having strong pelvic floor muscles helps a woman to reach orgasm more easily."
Found in Boots for £23.50
"If you are feeling out of sync with your partner it may be time to get in touch with what you really want," explains author Dr Marilyn Glenville. “Most sex therapists agree that sex begins in the head; in a way it’s an idea that overtakes you. Your body’s physical reaction follows. A key part of starting that sexual idea is setting the mood. Romantic music can help - as can low lighting, a candlelit bath or your favourite romantic or raunchy film. Once you’re back in touch with your own desires it can be easier and less daunting to connect with your partners.”
Dr Marilyn Glenville is the author of the Nutritional Health Handbook for Women