From festive turds to wearable sprouts, we check out the ugliest knits of the holiday season.
We’ve all got that one friend. The one that winces when they hear a Christmas number one, shouts obscenities when they’re included in secret Santa or curses you when you announce your plans to erect your Christmas tree before 20 December. The one that doesn’t cry at the John Lewis Christmas advert. You wonder why you’re even friends with each other every time Christmas comes around.
Several years of tackling miserable-as-hell Christmas-haters has led me to one conclusion: the only way to deal with these soul-sucking Scrooges is to fly your festivities in the face of their anti-Christmasness. And the best way to rub a Scrooge’s face in the holiday season? A garishly glamorous Christmas jumper.
From hilarious holiday motifs to the classic novelty knit, these are our favourite hideous Christmas jumpers from across the net. *Scrooge disapproval guaranteed *
Boohoo Elf Twin Jumper – £25
Boohoo tops the novelty knit charts with an unusual offering of a twin elf jumper. Easily mistaken for a factory mishap, the elf-styled jumper comes with enough room for you plus your boyfriend, bestie or kitchen sink, meaning this year you’re sure to be twinning at Christmas.
ASDA Mrs Claus tunic with headband - £18
Budget supermarket ASDA makes it onto the list with a cheerful tunic complete with glitzy sequins and a sparkly headband. Irresistible come December 1st.
Boohoo Turd Emoji Jumper - £13
Another contender from Boohoo. Because nothing says Christmas like a turd in a Santa hat.
ASOS’ Tinsel Jumpers - £38 - £44.99
Okay ASOS, okay. We get it. The retail market is competitive. So sometimes you have to do something a bit daring to stand out. But covering a basic knit in last year’s tinsel is not one of those things. Picture your poor customers walking past doors/hooks/any-kind-of-sticking-out-object. It would be carnage.
Boohoo Christmas pudding jumper - £16
Love it, hate it – fancy wearing it? Whatever your thoughts on the mighty Xmas pud, Boohoo has released a pudding-themed knit to end all discussion. *Flaming brandy sauce not required.*
ASOS’ Christmas [Carnage] jumper - £25
Wreaths, robins, trees and tinsel – you name it, this Christmas jumper has it. A frivolously festive knit.
Christmas Trumper Jumper - £32
What could make a Christmas jumper all the more rage-inducing? How about a picture of Trump at his merriest.
Not on the High Street Loud Christmas Jumper - £27
Red and green? So last Christmas. This year, upgrade your novelty knit with turbo-charged neons. After all, Christmas jumpers were never meant to be easy on the eyes.
Topshop wreath jumper - £55
Trust Topshop to take something classic and turn it into an abstract mash-up. The Topshop take on a Christmas jumper features a festive wreath, but not as you know it.
ASOS’ Santa’s Butt Jumper - £35
Why be classy at Christmas when you can have Santa’s butt plastered across your torso alongside a defamatory slogan.
ASDA Christmas Tree jumper - £18
Green is the colour of the season, so rock it head-to-toe with this festive little number from ASDA. No Christmas combo is complete without a star-capped hat – to create an authentic Christmas tree look. Or for extra style points, upgraded your headwear for ASDA’s brussels sprout hat.
Boohoo Elf Jumper - £25
Introducing the new ‘elf on the shelf’ – the perfect look for singletons at the office Christmas party.
