Are you being 'ghosted'? Body Confidential’s dating dictionary makes sense of it all
Love is a battlefield. Especially in 2018. These days you need to come armed with a dictionary if you’ve got any chance of survival.
Today’s dating scene of swiping, stalking and infuriating read-receipts has birthed a whole new lexicon of confusing dating lingo.
So, to help you work out just what kind of your relationship you’re getting yourself into – or whether it’s even one at all – we’ve identified the terms you need to know.
A cuter version of ‘ghosting’ to try to convince yourself that it’s perfectly fine you never messaged that guy back after he took you out for dinner.
When you match with a solid 9/10 on Tinder, only to discover that her head is not adorned with a sparkling fairy garland when you meet her in real life, nor does she have cute bug eyes or puppy dog ears. Be wary of matches that toy with snapchat filters.
Sexting the waters
When you want to send your match something suggestive, but don’t know if it’s too soon yet. So you sext the waters with a “What you up to?” message in the early hours of the morning, or various messages about how they’re currently “Bored. Just in bed. You?”
Sunday Night Fever
When the weekend’s antics have proven unfruitful in love, so you spend all Sunday night swiping for your soulmate.
When you mention your new crush on group chat and the entire group simultaneously stalks, likes and screenshots their way through your crush’s online life.
When the excitement of the world cup reveals a darker side to your match that makes you think they might be a bit of an idiot.
Usage: “After England beat Sweden I went to IKEA and smashed stuff up. Because, you know, we won and all. But now Becky won’t speak to me anymore. I’ve been world-cupped.”
A millennial update to the casual relationship, NCRs are ‘non-committed relationship’ whereby both participants have agreed to the terms of the relationship. Various other strains include an NR – ‘not really’, when one participant has agreed to the terms but secretly isn’t happy about it.
Usage: “I thought we were in an NCR but he thought I said NR. Awks.”
If it looks like a relationship, feels like a relationship and you’ve even met his parents – it still might not be a relationship. Situationships are the unlabelled murky waters of the dating game when you have no idea what the heck you’re in.
When you love messaging people on Tinder but have no intention of ever meeting up with anyone. Chances are you’re already in a relationship, a lot older than you say you are or a Cyborg engineered to keep singletons in a constant state of turmoil to end the human race.
A match that loves messaging you but artfully dodges plans to ever actually meet up.
Usage: “I keep asking about meeting up on Friday night but he keeps jammy dodger-ing my questions.”
The group of people that claim to prefer a bourbon biscuit over a classic custard cream. This has nothing to do with dating, but is still abhorrent.
Usage: “Stop bourbon-ing and just admit it; chocolate bourbons taste like plastic.”
When you are propositioned by a match to send a suggestive photo and send them an ugly mug shot instead.
Usage: “I asked her for a picture or her tits and instead she sent me one of her nose sellotaped to her forehead. She keeps gurning me.”
The unfortunate follow-through
When you get an inkling that the person you’re dating may very well be a total shit, but you decide to just follow through with seeing them anyway. Then, lo and behold, they turn out to be a total turd and you’re left stinking of regret.
A modern-day poltergeist. No matter how many times you delete them on Facebook, block them on snapchat or exorcise your bedroom sheets, they still manage to haunt your social feeds with unambiguous likes and story-watching just to remind you of their other-world existence.
When singletons use dating potentials to cushion their egos, insecurities or financial woes.
Usage: “I’m not that into him really; we’re just cushioning. He buys me drinks and I tell him that there’s nothing wrong with taking selfies in the gym.”
When you ‘slide’ into your crush’s direct messages on social media.
Usage: “I liked every single one of her photos from the last six weeks and then slid into her DMs, so I think I’ve made my intentions clear.”
When you see someone in real life and slide over to them to have a genuine human interaction. The last RL slide on record was in 2012 before Tinder ruined romance forever.
Usage: “I just went over to her and asked her out. What’s an RL Slide?”
When you spend your Monday morning commute furiously swiping before matching with 90% of the passengers onboard. After sending ‘Hi’ to 70% of said matches on your lunch break and getting no reply, you decide to boycott the tram and get the bus home instead.
Usage: “Metrolink has noticed an 81% decrease in millennials catching the tram on Monday mornings after intense Sunday night tinder sessions.”